Jan 06, 2020

Are you my mother

What is the true meaning of a mother
A birth mother
A step mother

someone who takes you to the doctors if you are sick or someone who feeds you or cleans up after
you.
Does a baby know their birth mother or do they gain attachment from the caring and the loving feeling they get from the person who is mothering them.
Babies are cuddled.
Dogs are loved and get to play with their family. Catch a ball, go for a walk and if they are really good they even get a treat.
Our cat is so royal that when he goes for a wander, I worry. Infact, I growl at him when he is late getting home, I even ask him where he has been and I can hear myself saying things like, “do you know what time it is, where have you been!”. Exactly, I’m his mum, and his cleaner and his shopper and the one that goes from shop to shop to find the royal food, you guessed it, he is definitely incharge!
Parenting is not an exact science and everyone has their own way of forging ahead with how they parent, whether it be human or fluffy, a mum is still a mum.
My mum, Miss Busy Bee, has always been the example I wanted to follow. She tells me that I am the creative one, yet, she would make the most amazing clothes for me and my sister when I was a teenager. We would go into the trendy shop, show mum and then a trip to the fabric shop and waylah almost an exact replica was produced. I used to wear my dresses, (yes I said dresses) with pride. I knew that from a picture in my mum’s head, she would cut and sew and oh the buttons, they were always original and really funky. She is an amazing seamstress and used to sew for a fashion house in Auckland, however, she will tell you that was just a job to support her family. She never, ever, gives herself credit, so typical of an understated mum. She was all about her family, still is actually and yet she has these hidden talents that are extraordinary.
I remember how she made 45 hibiscus flowers by hand for my wedding dress. Was she stressed, absolutely, did she pull off said miracle, absolutely! That’s what mums do. They turn the why into why not, the no can do into can do and they are always there when you need them.
You see I don’t wear a lot of dresses, I never really have, school uniform, school ball, wedding dress, and then there is that little black dress anyone can rock. Because my mum made my dresses that no one else would own, I always wore them, a little because I felt good, and a lot of how cool is it that my mum made this. My friends were always asking if mum would make them a dress, funny thing, I never asked, not sure why. Pants are more my speed. Funky shoes and funky bags were always my thing, clothing is optional.

My mum also taught me to cook, and now that I am a mother, the boys like to compare my mac cheese and the famous Christmas ham with nana’s. I won the ham cook off last year, but I still haven’t nailed the mac cheese. She makes jams and chutneys and pies and pastries and the most
amazing meals. She will say that’s just what you do as a mum and then proceed to tell me that I am a great cook. She still hasn’t got this part, I say it’s because she taught me love in the kitchen which translates to love in house and love for your family. It always taste better when mum makes it. I say it’s because it is made with love. You see to me that is the difference, that’s what sets us apart,
it’s the love. You don’t have to be a biological mum to get it, it’s simple, just plain old love.

I try everyday to make my mum proud of me and share so many of my daily stories with her. She has a beautiful garden, I am just hoping not to kill my new indoor plant! Mums have so much belief in you, they believe that you won’t kill the plant, they believe that you are beautiful and kind and special, and they love you as you. Do they need to be your birth mum to feel this way?

Mums provide comfort and wisdom and have made their share of mistakes, but they get up every morning and regardless of how they are feeling, they go about their day for the love of their family. They sacrifice, they go without, they rob Peter to pay Paul. Side bar, does anyone know where this expression came from, if so please let me know. I really want to know is Peter rich and why does
Paul need to be repaid? While we are on the subject what did you borrow?

Mum is the original Uber, the original taxi and the original stress head. Really I have to stay up how late to wait until you are home safely. Mums probably know cars and how they handle better than the engineers that design them, but do they bother to ask the mums, I would hazard a guess- No. Why would they, they think they know better. You see, therein lies the problem. When you think
you know better than a mum. Insert buzzer sound here, buzzzz WRONG!

I remember when our adopted dog was unwell. Yes, we adopted her, another dog, Bella was supposed to be staying for the weekend, while a friend painted her house. She seems to have stayed for 7 years. So now she is family. Recently she has been sad. You would think that you wouldn’t know when a dog was sad, they cant tell you and they cant show you. Yet there is something about being a furry mum, that you just know. You know that something is wrong and you love them enough to go to the vet. After all, they are family.

A stepmother helps raise another woman’s child. That’s a really big ask. What if they don’t like me, what if they think I have stolen their dad from their mum, what if they don’t like my food, my home, what if they do? Those emotions that you feel when you want to show love, you are as nervous as hell, because you just want to make a good impression. What if it goes pear shape, what can you do.What you can do, is be yourself. Your authentic self, because it’s exhausting trying to be someone else.

Mothering isn’t for everyone and just because you have given birth, doesn’t mean you like babies people. Stepmothers, adoption, fostering and birthing, all the same thing when it comes to being a mother, just different entry points. It just means you want to be a mother, bring someone into this world and give them everything you can, from food to love, to understanding to an education and hopefully along the way you have shown them how to be a good person and how to love unconditionally and not judge and to send them off into the big wide world and hope they remember all those little stories and the life lessons that you shared and then on their journey they remember the core values and at that exact moment, without even being in the room, they make you proud. Proud as punch. Ok, here’s another one. Where does this saying come home, anyone please.Someone one told me it was from the Punch and Judy show. To be as proud as Punch. Hello Google!
We all have different approaches to parenting, it doesn’t make it right or wrong, it just makes its part of our story, our journey.So, the next time you see a mum in the grocery store with a crying baby or with a screaming baby on
a plane, hold a little love in your heart.
I’ve been there and must say before 4 times boys, I would judge and stare and think shut that baby up! Now I send lots of invisible hugs and love to that poor parent with her screaming baby, its not easy and we are so quick to judge.
I remember one of my boys was screaming while we were at the grocery store and he was in the shopping trolley. I want this, I want that and when I said no, he screamed at the top of his lungs, so I turned and walked away from the trolley. He was safe, I could see him out the corner of my eye. This busy body came over and told me off for being a bad mother. Well normally I would get upset and apologise, you see he did this a lot. Not today and not this time. I turned and simply replied,
“Well if you think you can do better, he’s all yours!”. And then proceeded to walk away. Long story short , she came running after me pushing the trolley and telling said child to shhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Funny ending, I said to said child, at that point, “you coming with mum or staying with the nice lady?”. Yip you guessed it, he is all grown up now and decided option A suited him better.

As they grow up, we are faced with different challenges and with the fast speed internet and instant life, displayed to the world at the push of a button, we have to navigate that monkey in the room.Do or don’t I, well I say do and then see where that takes you. The only way to understand the social media world is to be part of it. You don’t have to like it or use it, but to stay ahead of the game, you definitely need to understand it.
That IKEA TV advert is right, when the little girl asks where her jumper is, and then her brother asks where his soccer boots are, the mum replies with the exact location of the items lost. Items are never lost, just stopped and dropped because something more important came up and they were so busy being kids in today’s world that they forgot to put the jumper in the bedroom, in the drawers where it would be for next time. Instead Amber’s new outfit on snapchat was getting all of the attention and the jumper was left on the sofa, in the family room, next to the wrapper for the muesli bar, but hey no one’s perfect right!
Being a mum is a work in progress, and it never ever stops.

The bride and groom say during a wedding ceremony “ until Death do us part”. Yet this is BS, hence the reason the family law courts are so clogged. Its not death, that parts them, but that aging process when you realise you have changed and want something different, grown apart, falling in love with someone else, or the best one yet, “what was I thinking, dodge that bullet”, get out while you can still walk out under your own steam! I believe becoming a mother should come with a ceremonial speech, because I think til’ death do us part is more fitting here. From the day they enter your life until the day they, in the case of the fluffy family or you when your time is up, you will always be the mum, the uber, the chef, the cleaner, the bed maker, the clothes washing, the school project researcher, the person that listens, the person that shares the ups and the downs, the good and the bad, the days and the nights, the game changer and most of all just being you. Private note here to my mum, on my darkest days and the longest night at the ripe of age of 50, who did I turn to for love and support, the one person I knew who never lets me down, who never judges, my gorgeous mum, love you woman ��.
So next time, no judgement, how about asking if they need support or if you just offer a simple smile, as a way of saying, I know its hard, you’ve got this, keep up the good work.I have this theory that boys are 12 until they are 16. They eat, smell, fart and sleep. As fun as thatmight sound, they think that they are bullet proof and that they can navigate their world without you. Its ok mum, I’ve got this, until they then call you for help. Time lapse between the two within 24 hours, and sometimes, its around 2-4 hours. All in all, they don’t realise that all they need is mum (sung to all you need is love by the Beetles).
The tend to believe that you are Mary, like I have mentioned in previous blogs, in my house, Mary is our maid. Mary is a great lady, quietly tidies up the messy room, changes the bedding, hangs up the towels and makes sure that there is enough TP in every toilet!Mary cooks quietly in the kitchen boy food, pies, pizza, sausage rolls, and everyone’s favourite shepherd’s pie. Time span from oven to being eaten, I say 2- 4 hours. I swear they smell it from China and come all the way home just to eat. First in best dressed, especially if you are a boy. Mary sometimes even leaves little gifts on the neatly made bed, like choccies or lollies, or the much needed necessities like toothpaste or new socks. Mary is physic she knows when you need her and how to make things right. Mary might not always tell you, but she will guide you to find your way
towards the light, then its up to you. Then there are the hormonal girls. They are 12 until they are 40. Big difference, big, HUGE! Why because girls are so busy being busy that they forgot to notice, first its 18, then the 21st, then they
are dating for real this time, not like in 10th grade. Then the big engagement party, then they are married and then they are pregnant and then they are changing nappies and trying to keep up with the housework and sometimes they are trying to keep up a job as well and staying in touch with friends. Then there is the first birthday party, then the second, then kindy, then school then,
breathe for goodness sake, you’re a girl, you don’t hunt you gather. So gather your thoughts and know that you are now a mum. Suggest you re-read from the top.
The first time a girl remembers to stop and breathe, they are probably almost 40 and will realise they kind of made it and things kind of worked out better than they expected and how did they get to 40 without noticing. Wait, stop, OMG, can’t talk now, I’m planning for the big party, the big four oh.

How did they do it, how did they get there in the end. Come on this should be easy, because beside them all the way in the background is mum.

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