May 20, 2020

Have you seen my duck?

Have you seen my duck, he’s missing. Small, noisy, majestic feathers, you can’t miss him, he kind of stands out in a crowd. Not your average duck. It’s really important I find him, you see, for he has the contents of my life, I need him to function.

He keeps my life in check, so you see it’s really important I find him. I have the others here, but I need all my ducks to get my ducks in a row, it just won’t work without him.


Health insurance, Life insurance, Car insurance, House insurance, the list is endless.

With the way that we live and the way that things untangle in our lives, why isn’t there emotional insurance? Or my favourite would be handbag insurance or better still insurance in case we are shitty parents. No good at this? No problem, we have you covered, get insurance, just in case you suck!

What if one parent does a runner and the other is left to pick up the pieces, can we have “what a prick insurance” or “she’s a bitch insurance”? It doesn’t matter, what happened, what matters is how we manage.

What about a discount or incentive if you have family insurance and you have a good daughter. DIAR insurance, see how we look after your family. Good mileage, no mechanical failures, great results, yep I say let’s reward that policy with a discount. How about a good friend? How do I get insurance for that? Advert could read “Shitty friend? That’s ok we have you covered!” I’ll have insurance for that!

Need a new handbag? The strap broke on ol’ faithful, again no need to stress, DIAR insurance, we have you covered. I definitely need insurance for that!

But no it’s always the big ticket items. We take out all of these insurances and can spend year after year never making a claim, yet we are so consumed by consumption that we convince ourselves we need it. The media convinces us we need it. The insurance companies with their clever advertising convince us we need it. What if they say you should and we push back and say no, hang on a minute, what do I get for good behaviour? Years of holding a policy with no claims? Years of loyalty by staying with the same insurance company?

Why do we spend our whole life taking care of our insurances and not ourselves?

I would like insurance against a bad marriage, legal fees are the pits, insurance, alrighty, make a claim, let go of the worry and stress, insurance paid in full.

Definitely call DIAR for insurance on a shitty friendship, because you want reimbursement on the time you have invested. It’s exhausting been all in and getting nothing back for years of commitment, dedication, loyalty and everything else in between.

Banks won’t loan you money without all roads leading to Rome, yet the Romans have packed their bags and are on their way to Greece.

Wherever we go, whatever we do, it’s always about the ducks.

Report Missing Duck

If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck then is it a duck?
Are you sure, really truly sure? Well maybe not, then how about taking out some insurance just in case.

See it’s the fear that a duck is missing.

Hello officer I seem to have misplaced my duck.

Sure, he is a beautifully coloured Drake with a purple plumage, shiny green head colouring, silvery white body and grey wings with blue markings. He has a really snappy personality.

No, I haven’t seen him but I will write a report for you – perhaps you should contact your insurance company?

Or maybe put an ad in the paper, or on social media.

Let me know if you have seen him. What should the ad read? In the words of Michael Bedard, we are all sitting ducks.

I can’t go to the kitchen for coffee until I find my duck.

I can’t hang out with friends I need to find my duck.

Thanks for the invite I can’t go out for dinner but could you help me find my duck instead?

Not now, I’m busy looking to buy a new duck.

See you on Saturday I need to pick up a new duck.

Come over on the weekend I would like to show you my new duck.

Duck in a Row

Quack quack quack.

A dear friend always says to me when I get flustered, “water off a ducks back”. Maybe she is right. Like the water, let it slide, no more chasing the ducks let the ducks swim back to you.

Before you take out your next insurance policy how about you take out a policy on yourself?

Have you seen all the new age spiritual movements out there, it’s no wonder it’s booming.

Why? Because, people are looking for their ducks.

They are looking on the yoga mat, they are looking in the essentials oils, they are looking in the meditation space, but will they find their duck?

Life insurance is never used in your life time, it’s for the benefit of your loved ones, so why is it called life insurance, unless you add protection against being unable to work etc, but that’s just a whole different conversation.

These day’s our true life insurance, in the essence of the word, is superannuation, that’s if you have any. Super is supposed to take care of us later in life, it’s supposed to keep us warm at night and ensure that all the ducks stay home.

So how about you think about your duck this way?

DIAR is in fact not insurance but life’s journey. Insurance is important, but follow your ducks and see what they do, hang about with family and friends, preening themselves often so that they are attractive to their mate. Ducks have very good vision and they see in colour, life is full all the time to them.

They swim in their groups and look out for each other and when one is missing the others squawk loudly enough so that the missing duck finds his way back.

Get your Ducks In A Row, if simply put, when in doubt shout it out loud and the right people will be there to find you, tell you how great you look, to hang out with and if you’re really keen, to spend the day in the sun and go for a swim.

Life is a journey it’s not where you end up but how you got there. Thanks for coming on mine.

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