Oct 21, 2019

DID I TELL YOU I WAS BUSY

Can’t talk now I’m busy.

Did I tell you I was busy.

I was so busy telling everyone I was busy, I forgot to tell myself! It was exhausting, I went to bed tired, I woke up tired.

You see I was busy having a mini meltdown. Busy just trying to get out of bed. Busy pretending that nothing was wrong.

I was so busy by keeping busy that I was actually busy falling apart.

We seem to glamourise busyness. Sorry raincheck too busy. Sorry, we haven’t caught up lately, I’ve been busy.  Oh gosh has it been that long, so much has happened work blah blah blah has been so busy.

We are so busy, we forget to water the flowers.  So rather than smelling the roses, we are looking at dead dried up nothings.

Why, because we are so busy trying to pretend that we are having a great life to compete and keep up with the Jones.  We are so scared people can read our fake that we miss our little things, our everything’s, our special moments, our wows and our nows.

By the way do you know the Jones ? Are they really that great ? I’m guessing not.

It was a really cold day outside and I had gone to pick flowers, just to brighten up my space. It was a reasonable size house, but without lots of furniture, it looked like the size of a regular ballroom dance floor.   Flowers seemed to do the trick, made me feel a little better, at least.

I was outside when the sweet old lady across the road popped over.

I haven’t seen you in awhile Dear, have you been busy ?  She was 89 years old and ever so spritely.

Busy, did you say busy, I’m always busy.

Busy doing dishes, busy doing washing, busy playing mum, busy making dinner, busy buying groceries, busy running errands, busy cleaning the house, busy making beds, you get it right, “busy, I’m always busy” I thought.  Instead I just said “I guess a little”.

She looked puzzled and then said “you seem so busy, busy people are usually running, what are you running from Dear?”

If truth be told I was running from myself.

Busyness has become a trendy epidemic. And then suddenly it hit me: I’m addicted to being busy. It gives me purpose. It makes me feel important, it makes me feel alive, it hides how I really feel, it hides those dark moments, it hides the truth.

Keeping busy is a way of avoiding life and boy oh boy was I avoiding the truth.

 

If we are not doing, we’re scrolling. We are busy checking how everyone else is living, we have forgotten how to live our best life.

Scrolling is a huge part of our day. We wake up, we check our phone. We are on it all day and then all night. It’s always there like a constant reminder to stay in the busyness, or should I say the emptiness while scrolling someone else’s life.

It gives us perfect excuses, the reason not to or better yet, excuses why we did.

You see, I witnessed an horrific accident a few months back.  Obviously, someone was in a hurry, smash bash and a ruddy loud crash.   It could have been me in that accident, as on that day, I was way too busy, getting caught up again and not remembering to smell the roses.  I was cross at silly stuff, I was in a hurry and I sped up to the lights, knowing if I went fast enough, I would make it through the green light.  One, two, three, yip, five seconds later, I knew I could make it, just as it turned red.

I can’t explain why, instead, I took my foot off the gas and onto the brake and pulled up at the lights.  Thank you, Universe.  The accident happened right in front of my eyes.

If I had of gone through the lights, it would have been me and not the poor tourist from Malaysia.

You see a driver had gone through a red light and cleaned up three cars.  If I haven’t hit the brakes that day, I would have been the first car she hit and not the tourist.

The last time I was in a hurry, always rushing, always busy, I ended up with a suspended licence for 3 months.   I had run out of points, run out of chances.   I decided to take the 12 months bond, which came with conditions and if I had any traffic infringements, I would lose my Licence for a further 12 months.  Best decision I made that day.  I had no choice but to calm the frig down. Thank goodness I did.

It made me hit the brake.  It made me stop, it made me breathe.

Recently, I was spiralling back to that busyness and over the past few months, I discovered this podcast and realised I needed to work smarter, not harder and just remember to breathe.

When life gets in the way, there is usually a damn good reason.  It is saying slow down, relax, don’t give up,  but don’t make the busyness real.  It’s ok to say you have a busy day planned, but it’s also important to make sure that it’s not just the day to day stuff.  Find that five, find that moment and even if it is singing to your favourite songs, while doing the dishes, or listening to that audio book when waiting to pick up your kids from school, just do it!,  You could phone a friend, say hi to your mum and treasure those moments, because when you die, no one will say, she was so busy being busy, busy, busy, busy, or will they?    They will remember the good stuff, the fun stuff, the stuff that made you unique, original, quirky and basically, just you.  I don’t want my legacy to be about busyness, I want it to be about being fabulous.

It we are so busy being busy and always rushing, then we are missing the good stuff and I had been stuck in that busy matrix for far too long.

 

I will always have washing, cooking, cleaning and mum stuff to do. Fast forward 4 years and now I have me stuff to do. I am still busy, just no longer busy pretending, I’m living.

I no longer suffer from busyness, I now have Briarness.

Far more classy and way more sassy.

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